


That Crazy Sunnyhell Easter

by maryperk



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2012-11-17
Packaged: 2017-11-18 22:12:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maryperk/pseuds/maryperk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the holidays get crazy in Sunnydale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That Crazy Sunnyhell Easter

**Author's Note:**

> This story sooooo didn't go the way I intended. I admit there is Willow, an Easter Egg, the mention of a treasure hunt, and bondage. Nekkidness too, but it so didn't get smexy like it probably should have. In fact this is what you get when you start a story about three times and decide to smush all three together. Not to be taken seriously. It's kinda cracked.
> 
> Not betaed

“How on Earth do we get into these predicaments?” Willow growled.  She pulled against the ropes that held her in place.

 

 

 

“You’re the one who wanted to go on an Easter egg treasure hunt,” Buffy replied.  She let out a huff of air before she relaxed into her bondage.  “Someone is sure to find us soon.”

 

 

 

“Hello, ladies.”  Spike popped out from behind a tree.  He leered at the two bound women.  “What do we have here?”

 

 

 

“You’re naked, Spike,” Buffy said.

 

 

 

“I?  What?”  Spike looked down at himself.  “I wasn’t when I started this scene.  What the bloody hell did you do with my clothes, Slayer?”

 

 

 

“Me?” Buffy screeched.  “I’ve been tied up here with Willow.  I had nothing to do with your clothes disappearing.  Maybe it was Adam.”

 

 

 

Spike rolled his eyes.  “Adam was so last season, Slayer.  We’re on to bigger and badder Big Bads.”

 

 

 

“Ha, badder ain’t a word,” Buffy crowed.

 

 

 

“Neither is ain’t.”

 

 

 

“Okay, this is weird,” Willow replied.  “There must be some kind of weird spell going on for all this to happen.  Let’s back up to the beginning.”

 

 

 

A flash of bright light surrounded the Slayer, the vampire, and the witch.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

 

 

 

 

 

“Weird,” Willow said.

 

 

 

“What?”  Buffy finished staking the fledgling vampire that had just crawled out of its grave.

 

 

 

Willow pointed towards a nearby headstone.  “It’s an Easter egg.”

 

 

 

“Huh.  So it is.  Definitely of the weird,” Buffy agreed.

 

 

 

“Should we check it out?”

 

 

 

Buffy hesitated for a moment before she spoke.  “I suppose we should, but if it contains any kind of brain leech demon you get to explain it to Giles.”

 

 

 

Willow laughed.  “I’m sure it’s nothing, Buffy.  Sunday is Easter after all.”  She pulled her friend over to the headstone.  After giving the egg an exaggerated poke, Willow picked it up.  “Looks okay.”

 

 

 

“Here, let me see that.”  Buffy grabbed the egg away from Willow.  She studied it for a few moments before she traced a fingernail down the middle where there was a crack.

 

 

 

“Are you really gonna touch that thing, Slayer?  This is Sunnyhell after all.”  Spike popped out from behind a tree.  He quickly looked down at his body.  “Ha, I have my clothes on!” he chortled.

 

 

 

“But I don’t,” Willow wailed.  “And I started this scene fully dressed.”

 

 

 

Spike leered at Willow.  “Looks good on you, Red.  Now if we could just get the Slayer naked, we could have grand old time.”

 

 

 

“The day you see me naked, Spike, is the day hell freezes over,” Buffy responded.  She pulled off her coat, and she tossed it to Willow.  “Here, put that on.”

 

 

 

“Spoilsport,” Spike muttered.

 

 

 

“Okay, opening the egg and following the instructions got us tied up and Spike naked.”  Buffy tapped her chin with her finger.  “Not opening the egg got Willow naked and Spike not so much.  Maybe we should destroy the darned thing.”

 

 

 

“You think we should press our luck?” Willow asked.

 

 

 

“Any better ideas?” Buffy asked in return.

 

 

 

“We could give it to that bitch that’s after you,” Spike suggested.

 

 

 

Willow nodded.  “Or drop it in the Hellmouth.”

 

 

 

Buffy’s eyes brightened.  “Tell the bitch this is her key _and_ drop it in the Hellmouth.  I love it when a plan comes together.”

 

 

 

“I knew we shouldn’t have let her watch those A-team reruns,” Willow muttered.

 

 

 

“Okay, I’m going to go lure the bitch to the Hellmouth.  You two get that darned thing open.”  Buffy took off at a dead run.

 

 

 

“Does she even know where the bitch is?” Spike asked.

 

 

 

Willow shrugged.  “You got me.”

 

 

 

“How are we supposed to open the Hellmouth?”

 

 

 

“You got me.  Wonder if there are any Vahrall demons in town.”

 

 

 

Spike shuddered.  “As long as I don’t have to wear one of Harris’ nauseatin’ tropical disasters,” he quipped.  He quickly looked down at his body, and he gave a sigh of relief when he saw his usual black attire.

 

 

 

“I thought you looked kinda cute in that shirt,” Willow said.

 

 

 

“Red, you need your head examined.”

 

 

 

Buffy returned dragging a scabby skinned, dark eyed minion in a brown robe.  “Here’s one of the bitch’s minions.  Let the treasure hunt begin,” she said with too much enthusiasm.

 

 

 

“She’s a bit too enthusiastic about this,” Willow muttered.

 

 

 

“You got any ‘hell freezing over’ spells in your repertoire?” Spike whispered.  “I’d really like to see the Slayer naked.”

 

 

 

“What are you two whispering about?”  Buffy looked at Willow and Spike with narrowed eyes.

 

 

 

“Nothing, my dear,” Spike claimed.  “Nothing at all.”

 

 

 

“Let’s back up to the beginning,” Glory’s minion screamed.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

 

 

 

Buffy staked the fledgling vampire as it crawled out of its grave.   “Well, here we go again,” she grumbled.  “Definitely a spell of some kind.”

 

 

 

“Hey, at least we’re not naked or tied up,” Willow said.

 

 

 

“Speak for yourself, Red.”

 

 

 

Buffy and Willow turned around to find Spike chained to a tree.  Buffy laughed.  “At least you’re not naked again.”

 

 

 

Spike sighed.  “Neither are you, Slayer.”

 

 

 

“Told ya, Spikey.  When Hell freezes over.”

 

 

 

“Gotcha.”  Spike started to plan on how to make Hell freeze over.  “Can you ladies get me out of these chains?  Not that I don’t mind a little bondage with my shaggin’, but this whole situation is gettin’ downright ridiculous.”

 

 

 

Willow and Buffy moved to help the vampire.  “I’m thinking we should just drop the egg in the Hellmouth.  Forget about telling the bitch it’s her Key,” Buffy said while she pulled at the chains.

 

 

 

“It’s a good plan in theory,” Willow said, “But I think she’s the one that left the egg and made up the treasure hunt.”

 

 

 

“The bint’s into bondage, that’s for sure,” Spike complained when the chains finally dropped to the ground.  “Probably torture too, and not the sexy kind.”

 

 

 

Buffy smirked at Spike.  “I thought pleasure and pain went hand in hand for vamps.  The pictures in those books Giles kept hidden in his office in the library were quite…”

 

 

 

“Informative,” Willow broke in.  She blushed when Spike leered at her.

 

 

 

“Do tell.”

 

 

 

“Watchers are complete deviants,” Willow replied with a giggle.

 

 

 

Buffy rolled her eyes.  “So, we’re agreed.  We’ll dispose of the egg and the bitch by putting them both into the Hellmouth.”

 

 

 

“Agreed,” Willow and Spike said together.

 

 

 

“No more treasure hunts, right?” Buffy asked.

 

 

 

“Not ones that end up in nekkid bondage,” Willow agreed.

 

 

 

“Take a vamp’s fun away, why dontcha,” Spike complained.  Then, he grinned.  “One last treasure hunt though, ladies.  Make the bitch do the huntin’.  Only without the nasty minion.”

 

 

 

“Too bad we don’t have our own nasty minion to order around,” Buffy said.  She glared at Spike when he smirked.  “If you suggest Xander, Spike, your nose will be getting up close and personal with my fist.”

 

 

 

Spike continued to smirk, but instead of suggesting Harris up for minionhood he had another idea.  “I know some guys that’ll work for kittens.  Literally.”

 

 

 

“Willow, you’re the smart one.  Get cracking on the clues.  Spike and I will go get the minions.”  Buffy grabbed Spike’s arm, and she dragged him off towards Willy’s demon bar.

 

 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

 

 

 

THREE HOURS LATER

 

 

 

Spike stared down into the open Hellmouth until it closed with a resounding whoosh of air.  “Guess what, Slayer.  Hell’s frozen over.  Time to lose the clothes.”

 

 

 

“Too late,” Buffy grumbled.

 

 

 

“At least we’re not tied up,” Willow said.  “Tara is never gonna believe this.”

 

 

 

Spike turned to find both lovely Scooby gals naked as the day they were born.  While Willow was a right fine lookin’ gal, he only had eyes for his Slayer.  “Hello, cutie,” he drawled while he prowled towards Buffy.

 

 

 

“I think that’s my cue to leave,” Willow muttered.  She quickly made her escape, and she mentally called for her lover to come pick her up.

 

 

 

“My fist, your nose, if you so much as touch me, Spike,” Buffy growled.  She backed away from the advancing vampire.

 

 

 

Spike chuckled darkly.  Maybe he’d make an Easter egg treasure hunt a yearly thing.  Maybe even get Tara in on it the next year.  He could see himself surrounded by a bevy of Scooby beauties.

 

 

 

The End


End file.
